Thursday 6 October 2011

BBFC grants Human Centipede 2 an 18 certificate - with cuts


Torture porn fans, rejoice! The BBFC have passed The Human Centipede part 2 (Full Sequence) for an 18 certificate in the UK after making 2m37s of cuts to the film.

The BBFC released details of the necessary cuts today (warning, cuts details may contain spoilers):

“[There were] 32 individual cuts to scenes of sexual and sexualised violence, sadistic violence and humiliation, and a child presented in an abusive and violent context.

“In this case, cuts included: a man masturbating with sandpaper around his penis; graphic sight of a man's teeth being removed with a hammer; graphic sight of lips being stapled to naked buttocks; graphic sight of forced defecation into and around other people's mouths; a man with barbed wire wrapped around his penis raping a woman; a newborn baby being killed; graphic sight of injury as staples are torn away from individuals' mouth and buttocks.”

So there you have it, folks. We Brits will be getting Human Centipede 2 in the UK but (some would say thankfully) not in its full-strength form.

Ian Sadler, Sales Director for Eureka Entertainment, the film’s UK distributor said: “We are really pleased that after nearly 4 months of detailed discussion and debate, we have been able to reach an agreement with the BBFC and to produce a very viable cut of the film which will both excite and challenge its fans. Naturally we have a slight disappointment that we have had to make cuts, but we feel that the storyline has not been compromised and the level of horror has been sustained.”

The Human Centipede II was rejected, and effectively banned, by the BBFC in its uncut form in June of this year.

Further details of the UK theatrical and DVD release will be announced early next week.

Tuesday 30 August 2011

Don't go to the Blues Kitchen in Camden! It's horrid!


If you’re ever tempted to go to the Blues Kitchen in Camden, take my advice: don’t. I love the blues and I love live music but after spending all of about, oh, ten minutes in this pitiful tarted-up gastropub, I’d quite happily claim to hate both.

As a music venue, it’s an utter joke. Want to experience a night at the Blues Kitchen without actually going there? Easy peasy. Get on a packed tube train at rush hour while listening to BB King on your iPod at half-volume and throw ten pound notes out of the train doors every few minutes.

Though actually, that’s not quite true. At least on the tube you’re less likely to be shoved around by a crowd of preening, braying tosspots with no regard for personal space or etiquette.

Overpriced, overheated and full to bursting with inconsiderate scumbags, this venue is one of the worst I’ve ever been to. From the Google Image printouts of Mississippi John Hurt on its walls to its £4.50 shot prices (nearly a fiver for a shot, ferchirssakes), it tries half-heartedly to be an ersatz juke joint for U2 fans and fails even at that.

The final straw is that if you want to see any of the acts billed, you have to wait ‘til gone 10:30pm, just so the bloody place can crowbar yet more drinks money out of any poor misguided music fans who’ve been hoodwinked through the door.

I don’t want to waste any more of my time recounting what an utter hell-hole this place is: frankly it doesn’t deserve notice beyond “just don’t go”. No matter how good the acts are you see on the posters outside, you’d have more fun listening to a CD at home.

If you’ll pardon me getting a little scatological, fuck the Blues Kitchen, fuck it to hell. Even Camden Rock’s preferable to this. Never go there! Ever! Bah.

Friday 12 August 2011

Battletoads & Double Dragon soundtrack: SNES vs. Megadrive


I’ve recently been listening to some of the Battletoads & Double Dragon SNES soundtrack pretty obsessively (God knows why, maybe I’m pregnant), but it was only today I bothered to seek out the Mega Drive/Genesis version of the game’s music. Carumba! What a difference. Evidently the two machines’ soundcards were worlds apart when it came to quality/fidelity. The SNES sounds like a decent quality boom-box; the Mega Drive like a swarm of angry, shrieking metal wasps (not that that's a bad thing). Compare these examples and marvel at how not all 16-bit games consoles were created equal…